2018 was some piece of labor, huh?
However earlier than you set this aggravating yr in your rear view, I’m right here to remind you of the bottom of the low.
Sure, as soon as once more it’s time for the annual Playa Please Awards, the place for seven years operating we disgrace the celebrities, newsmakers and outright weirdoes who defiled our timelines with their depravity.
As all the time, I’m excluding any political happenings (with one apparent exception) and any Me Too motion offenders. That stuff has been coated to demise by different retailers already.
Check out backside six moments that made us need to relocate to a different photo voltaic system.
- 1 6. Taylor Swift sucks the soul out of Earth, Wind & Hearth
- 2 5. Anybody who took the Tide Pod Problem deserved demise
- 3 four. Drake ain’t constructed for the artwork of conflict
- 4 three. Nicki Minaj and the Horrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Dangerous Yr
- 5 2. Jacquees, the Burger King of R&B
- 6 1. Konservative Kanye Kardashian
6. Taylor Swift sucks the soul out of Earth, Wind & Hearth
Once you consider Earth, Wind & Hearth, you consider ardour. Power. Pleasure. Soul.
I positive don’t consider this.
However for some cause, the chief of the Rhythmless Nation Taylor Swift thought it was nice concept to cowl one of many biggest soul data of all time.
Like a literal R&B succubus, T-Swift drained each little bit of soul out of this document, changing the long-lasting, full-bodied sound with Nyquil vocals and a boring banjo. I’m often irritated by the Web’s perpetual outrage tradition however Taylor deserved each little bit of flak she acquired for this rice cake of a remake.
Allee Willis, who wrote co-wrote music with The Factor’s late Maurice White and Al McKay, threw shade in probably the most well mannered approach potential: “I didn’t actually assume she did a horrible job. Sure, I felt it was as torpid as a drunk turtle dozing underneath a sunflower after ingesting a bottle of Valium, and I assumed it had all of the construct of a one-story motel, however, I imply, the woman didn’t kill anyone.”
It will have been extra thrilling if she DID kill someone.
5. Anybody who took the Tide Pod Problem deserved demise
I initially thought the Tide Pod Problem was a foolish Web rumor, just like the Slenderman or Sinbad enjoying a genie or Cardi B having a very good album.
It might’t probably be true – individuals CAN’T be consuming laundry detergent.
However we have been ONE MONTH into 2018 when the American Affiliation of Poison Management Facilities reported that there have been already 86 instances of intentional misuse of the laundry packets within the calendar yr.
I imply, sure, these issues do appear to be Kool-Assist Bursts. However I as soon as thought a tampon was a Fruit Roll Up – doesn’t imply I attempted consuming it.
…Regardless of how a lot I thought-about it.
Apparently, a couple of Youtubers thought it might be humorous to fake to eat this stuff. And because the world is full of sheep, since some man who can’t legally drink stated it was cool to swallow poison, individuals truly began doing it.
Perhaps a few of these mumble rappers ought to have taken the problem. It might have cleaned their raggedy, rusty throats and we might lastly hear what they’re saying for as soon as. Or perhaps it’ll destroy their voice for good.
Eh, a win is a win.
four. Drake ain’t constructed for the artwork of conflict
“It’s solely so lengthy pretend thugs can fake” – Jay Z, Takeover
Whenever you’ve been billed as music’s second coming so long as Drake has, I assume it’s solely pure that you simply actually begin believing your personal hype. However the second Battle Rapper Drake stepped on an actual battlefield, Aubrey received dusted Thanos-style.
A fast recap: Pusha T and his brother Malice had been feuding with Drake’s mentor Lil Wayne for years. Ultimately, Push began concentrating on Drake as nicely, who for probably the most half stayed quiet, figuring out he was WAY out of his league confronting a lyrical murderer. However after a couple of rap battle wins over proverbial tomato cans like Child Cudi and Meek Mill, Drake received froggy and began to fireside again. Then, after Push talked about Drake’s ghostwriter on “Infared,” Drizzy had ENOUGH, and dropped what he simply knew was diss monitor to finish all diss tracks, “Duppy Freestyle,” which, to his credit score, was much more pointed than his regular passive-aggressive stuff.
After years of bating, Drake lastly fell in Pusha’s lure.
Then we received THIS.
Pusha unleashed an previous photograph of Drake in blackface, outed his secret baby with an grownup movie star, ran his upcoming Adidas deal into the bottom earlier than it even launched and despatched blistering photographs towards Drake’s boy Noah “40” Shebib.
Save your memes and conceal your Twitter fingers. This, women and gents, is rap beef. And Aubrey was NOT prepared.
Out of the blue, Drake went from Huge L to Huge Child Dram – claiming he had the PERFECT response however his rap dad J Prince informed him it was toooooo scorching and to not unleash it, lest Push be burned from all the recent fyah being spit. And his legion of stans in fact rushed to Twitter to run injury management, claiming that Pusha’s diss went too far.
The place have been all these pacifists when Drake was concentrating on Pusha’s fiance and choosing on Cudi’s mental-health points? And Drake enjoying the sufferer is much more ridiculous when he allegedly despatched goons to disrupt a Pusha live performance, some extent Drake has but to disclaim.
Pay attention, I do assume it’s unfair when individuals decide of Drake for being “mushy” simply due to his R&B ties. Drake’s a variety of issues – insanely overrated, a panderer, lazy, a nasty singer, has stolen extra types than Shang Tsung, and so on. – however I wouldn’t name him delicate.
One other factor I wouldn’t name him – a battle rapper. Keep on with getting Grammy nominations for underwhelming albums, homie, you’re nice at that. Depart this hip-hop factor to the professionals.
three. Nicki Minaj and the Horrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Dangerous Yr
What number of years on this very area have I informed y’all that Icki Garbaj was a charlatan? And what number of years have y’all referred to as me a crusty ol’ hater?
However then Nicki lastly crosses somebody y’all like and other people say “I feel Nicki has modified.”
The warfare between Nicki Minaj and the Web’s new favourite feminine screechy rapper Cardi B could possibly be a 1,000-word column all in itself. However that’s only a mere pebble within the landslide of dangerous press for Nicki.
Prior to now 12 months, she picked useless fights with Cardi and when Cardi truly stepped to her in public LITERALLY HID; accused journalists of being paid off to criticize her work with 6ix9ine, a deviant who seems to be like a bunch of Now and Laters melted collectively in a scorching automotive and wished to turn out to be an actual boy; launched yet one more mediocre album Queen (which, truthfully, is best than most her different rubbish albums), pointed fingers at Spotify for the disappointing album rollout and even began to bully Travis Scott AND HIS OWN BABY when he outsold her; in contrast herself to Harriet Tubman for lord solely is aware of what cause; and even went after her ex-Safaree, aka, the man who wrote a lot of the (rubbish) songs y’all beloved when it was cool to love her.
She even created Queen Radio, a propaganda radio present to slander her enemies and spin her narrative whereas her brainless minions lap all of it up. Nicki Minaj is actually the feminine Trump.
It’s about time y’all began listening to me.
2. Jacquees, the Burger King of R&B
It takes a particular model of suck to leap all the best way to No. 2 on the listing simply two weeks earlier than I hit publish. However that’s Jacquees for you – he’s mastered failing upward.
Just some weeks in the past, Jacquees hit Twitter, proudly proclaiming to be the King of R&B (for his era).
100% of the Web collectively stated:
Even with the “my era” caveat, that label is pure fiction. This foolishness spawned an almost 48-hour debate about who was TRULY the king of R&B. And truthfully, it was sort of refreshing to see the style being mentioned so prominently.
However then this Jackee boy needed to go and spoil it.
TMZ caught up with my man, the OG of R&B himself Keith Sweat, and tried to ask him to weigh in on the king convo. Earlier than Keef might barely open his platinum-selling mouth, Birdman Jr. Jr. runs outta nowhere, cuts off Keith and HIJACKS THE INTERVIEW to scream about how he’s actually the king.
Take a look at Keith’s face. Y’all actually acquired him Twisted.
Throughout a comply with up interview with Tigger and Tank (for some purpose), Keith rightfully put the little amoeba in his place, making him apologize on digital camera. After which with Keith tries to make some extent that the legends like Luther Vandross and Teddy Pendergrass by no means wasted time pretending to be kings, as an alternative letting the music converse for itself, this man CUT KEITH OFF AGAIN, screaming “properly they didn’t have the Web!”
If Keith killed him RIGHT THERE on digital camera nobody would have minded. I obtained you on bail, massive homie.
The sheer audacity that IceJJacqueesFish would step to Keith is ridiculous. Take a look at the scoreboard: Keith has bought 30 million data, has REAL classics and extra No. 1s than Jacquees has pairs of unpolluted underwear. Jacquees has ONE OK studio album, a few singles that nobody remembers and a bunch of covers of different individuals’s music.
You’re the king of karaoke, not the king of R&B. Be humble.
1. Konservative Kanye Kardashian
Yeah, No. 1 was fairly apparent this yr, as one of many voices of black America went from the producer of Talib Kweli’s “Get By” to and additional in Jordan Peele’s “Get Out.”
And earlier than the MAGAs get delicate and run up in my mentions, let me be clear – on this occasion, I don’t essentially care about who Kanye votes for. I care that he recklessly used his platform to undermine the group he spent nearly all of his profession supporting.
In a yr full of missteps – from his personal sloppily launched LP (and the supposed comply with up which stays on CP time) to countless nonsensical Twitter rants – the most important nail in his coffin was by far this assertion:
“Once you hear about slavery for 400 years … For 400 years? That feels like a selection. You have been there for 400 years and it’s all of y’all. It’s like we’re mentally imprisoned.”
That assertion is probably the most disgusting instance of privilege I’ve ever heard. Our ancestors have been ripped from their homelands, actually had their households stolen from them, have been mutilated, crushed and systemically brainwashed. They endured unimaginable and it’s a miracle the black race wasn’t rendered extinct by the 1900s.
However their struggling was a selection?
Nah, you select to promote individuals garments that seem like hand-me-downs from Strolling Lifeless zombies. You select to place out mediocre music then criticize individuals who don’t perceive its alleged genius. You select to suck as much as an administration that might slightly construct and conceal behind partitions than construct bridges and promote unity.
You select to suck.
I do know Kanye has since backed down from these feedback. And sure, I do know he has struggles with psychological well being. However right here’s an awesome concept:
Get off Twitter
Cease operating your mouth
Get some assist
And take your L
Who incurred your wrath this yr? Share your Playa Please nominees under.
And when you’re at it, compensate for earlier Playa Please Award recipients:
2011 Playa Please Awards
2012 Playa Please Awards
2013 Playa Please Awards
2014 Playa Please Awards
2015 Playa Please Awards
2016 Playa Please Awards
2017 Playa Please Awards
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